“Hey! This stuff is real! I am a militia member and I am the only thing standing between you and the communist
invasion! I’m offended that you would call me paranoid!”
The only thing we can say is, “Good!” Maybe a little slap in the face is what you need to wake you up from your paranoid delusions about someone out there
being “out to get you.” What kind of ego must someone have to think that the entire planet is after him personally? Listen, you’re not that important. The
Jews aren’t plotting against you. The United Nations isn’t plotting against you. Janet Reno isn’t plotting against you, and neither are the Clintons,
aliens from outer space, or the Federal Reserve.
Don’t want to pay your taxes? We suppose that’s fine, but don’t expect the fire department to come to your aid if your compound in Idaho catches fire. Don’t
drive on public roads; those roads were created and are maintained by tax dollars. And don’t expect the FBI to investigate if someone does come and kidnap
a member of your family.
Most of all, stop trying to disrupt the lives of normal Americans who haven’t been initiated into your little paranoid dreamworld. You may feel the need to
own a hundred automatic weapons so you can wage war against the New World Order’s mind control machines, but the rest of us are a lot more fearful of a nut
next door with an uzi than we are of the “jackbooted thugs” of the “New World Order.”
You can believe whatever you want. That’s your right. But don’t go around accusing people of being part of some nefarious organization unless you’ve got
something better in the way of proof than half-baked notions and your own personal bigotry with which to back it up.
Come to think of it, maybe you should just apply some good old common sense. Which is more likely: that the light in the sky you see is a high-flying
airplane or an alien space craft coming to kidnap you to conduct experiments for some planet-wide Satanic conspiracy group? Is it more likely that the New
World Order installed Bill Clinton as president, or that he got over 1/2 of the electoral votes in two elections because the American people voted for him?
Is it really likely that the whole world is out to get you???
Get a grip. Get a life. And seek some counseling.
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“Do you actually believe this stuff? Do you really think the Jews are the children of Satan and all that? What kind
of anti-Semitic, right-wing gun nut bigot are you?”
Rest assured, not a single person in our little group buys into any part of the conspiracy theories described in this little treatise. In fact, that's the
entire point of this site. We wanted to show just how ridiculous these so-called “theories” are. And, as pointed out in the explanation of this site, we
wanted to make the point that there are people who really do believe this stuff, that these people are dangerous, and that they constitute more of a threat
to the lives of average Americans than any imaginary government plot.
In fact, it’s amazing how much of an influence a lot of these paranoid conspiracies have had on the history of the United States. It was fear of the
communist “New World Order” that lead to the “Red Scare” and the rise of McCarthyism. Ironically, right-wing fears about “protecting freedoms” always seem
to end, as McCarthyism did, in the destruction of those very freedoms.
No, we don’t think all Christians are paranoid nuts. Heck, we’re Christians ourselves and we’re offended that nutball conspiracy theorists associate with
us. But we do recognize that much of fundamentalist evangelical Christianity is based on—and/or has ties to—the more radical, paranoid fringes of our
society. As Christians, we shouldn’t be associating with these people; we should be standing up to them and stopping them from smearing the good name of
Christianity.
Do we think the National Rifle Association is chock full of nuts? Well, actually, yes. We do. Three things frighten us about the NRA: (1) Their
leadership buys into the most radical elements of the whole “New World Order” conspiracy lock, stock and barrel; (2) They have unmatched political power;
and (3) We know they’re armed. Don’t believe us? Then run a quick search for “National Rifle Association” and check out the paranoid drivel they and their members post on their own sites!
So, again, we don’t think the Jews are the spawn of Satan. We don’t believe in the Illuminati. If aliens exist on other planets, we’re pretty sure they’re
not demons. And God most certainly isn’t a space alien. If you’ve gotten this far and you really think we buy into any of this stuff, then we have a final
word for you: “satire.” Look it up.
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