History
The New World Order has a long and glorious history. We began before you were born, and we will exist long after you are gone. Do not waste your time on feeble attempts to resist us.
Soon, all will be ours.
The New World Order is a coalition of many groups. (See COMPOSITION) We have banded together to ensure that the planet is under the control of a single authority.
In 1893, the Illuminati, Jewish Bankers, the Masons, and other secret conspiracy societies met at the annual Secret Conspiracy Societies convention in San
Francisco to discuss tricks of the trade, exchange notes, drink a lot of beer, and find cheap hookers. In one particular session, “The Declining Power of Secret Organizations to Find Cheap Hookers,” a Mason delegate raised the idea of combining forces to pool data on where the best cheap hookers could be found. This delegate was shouted down, and eventually discovered dead in the back room of O.J. Simpson’s mansion, but his suggestion nevertheless planted the seed for ideas yet to come.
In 1904, the Jewish Bankers merged with the Illuminati in a stock-for-cash deal that left each entity as subsidiaries of a larger organization known as “The World Order.” This merger
set off a firestorm of acquisitions among smaller secret societies, who were afraid that they would no longer be able to compete with the new larger, more powerful juggernaut. This
furor caused The World Order to swallow up several smaller societies in an effort to keep its edge.
The end of World War II (which was actually engineered by the World Order as a way of throwing investigators off the trail of the Jewish Bankers) saw several events that would change
the face of secret conspiracies. First, the Majestic Seven—an upstart conspiracy group started by former Illuminati executives—offered junior partnerships to the Industrial-Military
Complex and the Cultural Elite, expanding its Board of Directors and becoming Majestic 12. At the same time, two new conspiratorial organizations emerged: the United Nations and the
Space Aliens.
The United Nations resulted from the merger of several smaller societies (including the Communists, the Black Hand Society, and the Daughters of the American Revolution). Although new
and still relatively weak, the U.N. began to position itself as a power broker with key connections throughout the world. This gave it considerable credibility with other conspiracy
societies.
The Space Aliens (represented by the Greys) had actually been around for quite some time, and had been observing the
situation on Earth for several centuries from their underground bases with the help of the Illuminati. Their goal was to formulate an invasion plan. However, the factional nature of Earth’s societies had made such plans strategically difficult to formulate, and they had been forced to
contract with a smaller conspiracy group, the United States Government, in 1933. The arrangement became known to the U.N. by mistake. A crash landing in Roswell, New Mexico in the
1940s created a unique opportunity for the Aliens and Majestic 12 to combine forces. The Aliens agreed to provide technical support and intelligence in exchange for Majestic’s
cooperation in obtaining biological specimens and access to terrestrial government agencies. Majestic’s affiliation with the Industrial-Military Complex made this an ideal
partnership, and raised Majestic’s stature to that of a major player in the conspiracy industry.
Now threatened with the possibility of advanced technology from the Majestic-Alien cooperative and the well-established World Order, the U.N. began acquiring other secret conspiracy
groups—the Trilateral Commission, the Committee on Foreign Relations, and the Book of the Month Club among them—in an effort to consolidate power. In response, the two remaining major
players—the World Order and the Majestic-Alien alliance—merged. This gave the World Order control over most of the Eastern power structure and some significant U.S. holdings, while
the United Nations controlled most Western conspiracy groups.
The relationship between the two forces became strained (and occasionally violent) until a key discovery was made. In 1953, a blue ribbon panel of experts, commissioned by the World
Order with the assistance of the Space Aliens, discovered that no such planet as Krypton existed, and that Superman was, in reality, a fictional character. The repercussions of this
discovery shook the very foundations of the conspiracy industry; it was possible for a large, evil conspiracy organization to take over the planet without risking a confrontation with
a superhero who could foil the plan! This revelation led to discussions between the World Order and the United Nations, and in 1955 the two conspiracies merged as a monopolistic
superpower dubbed “The New World Order.”
Now unopposed, the New World Order began to implement a plan to take over the planet. Using the media influence of the Jewish Bankers and the Cultural Elite, the New World Order began to break down racial barriers by creating and promoting the Civil Rights movement in the U.S. Efforts to reduce religious intolerance were also put into motion, and an international economy was established. The overall purpose of these operations was to create harmony, tolerance, and cooperation between different societal and cultural groups. This would make it easier for these groups to unite, and thus allow for a single governmental power structure.
The New World Order was thrown into disarray by President John F. Kennedy’s directive for America to land a man on the moon. Kennedy, brought to the presidency because of his ability
to pick up babes, was notorious for his poor eyesight, and misread the speech crafted for him. Instead of “We choose to go to the moon,” Kennedy was supposed to say, “We eat our lunch
at noon.” This gaffe created serious problems for the New World Order, since the Space Aliens had constructed a major base on the moon and any trip there would surely reveal its
existence. To cover up the problem, the New World Order had Kennedy “assassinated” (Kennedy’s death was actually faked; he and roommate Elvis Presley are currently living in a condo
in Burbank) and staged the moon landing of Apollo 11 on a soundstage in Arizona.
In 1992, the New World Order accelerated its plans by placing Bill Clinton in the Oval Office. Although George Bush had been a loyal member of the New World Order, Bill Clinton had all the properties evil conspiracy organizations love: he was an evil leftist womanizing smuggler pervert who liked to do drugs, have people murdered, and eat live kittens during Satanic virgin sacrifices. He was so good at these things, in fact, that even attempts by the New World Order to keep this information from crusaders of truth and justice like Rush Limbaugh, G. Gordon Liddy, Art Bell, and Chuck Harder failed. Nevertheless, Bill Clinton (and, more important, Hillary, who wields the real power in the White House) became president of the United States. From this position, he accomplished many of the goals of the New World Order such as allowing gays in the military, killing completely innocent people in Waco, and murdering his Commerce Secretary.
The 1995 bombing of the federal building in Oklahoma City, carefully engineered by the New World Order, backfired and nearly brought the organization down. Intended as a way of
discrediting the only people who really knew about the organization’s plans—the militia movement—the blast instead brought the New World Order’s name to the forefront. Michigan
Militia leader Norm Olsen even exposed the United Nations weather machine and its use against Midwest farmers to the U.S. Congress. The New World Order acted quickly, engineering
Olsen’s ouster from the Michigan Militia and replacing the organization’s leadership with its own agents. This solution to the near disaster caused by Olsen’s insight garnered the New
World Order an extra coup: the United Nations now controlled one of the most well-known anti-UN organizations in the United States!
In November, 2000, the New World Order, disappointed in Al Gore’s performance and willing to give the Bush Family another chance, arranged to have George the Second selected as president. The
New World Order had slightly underestimated the popularity of Al Gore, and the Gore camp created such a spectacle that it was impossible to have our agents make him “disappear.”
Acting quickly, we were able to send the
Chinese in to make our instructions clear to the U.S. Supreme Court: Bush gets selected and everyone gets Backstreet Boys tickets; Gore gets elected, and everyone gets an anal
probe. (Two members opted for the anal probe.)
The New World Order continues to control most of the major activities of the world through back channels and special mind control devices. We look forward to a brighter day, when all
humans are our slaves and everyone is a Chinese communist atheist homosexual alien abductee. That day is coming soon, and we will bring it to you.
We are the New World Order.
We own . . . everything.
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