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The Illuminati
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Updated
Dec 31, 2003


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Composition

At the New World Order, we’re not the faceless, evil conspiracy organization we’ve been made out to be. We’re actually a coalition of several faceless, evil conspiracy organizations. Each of our affiliates brings its own set of skills and agenda to our organization. Without our members, we would still be in charge of everything; we would just have to work harder for it and find less evil ways in which to control people’s lives. There are far too many to list comprehensively, but here are some highlights.


The Illuminati

From time immemorial, the Illuminati have been clear leaders in the evil conspiracy organization industry.

The Jewish Bankers

You can’t run a conspiracy without funding, and these guys are the best. Plus, they provide the bagels and sandwiches for the annual picnic.

The Masons

The Masons are loyal, and they’re the experts at keeping secrets. They’re all in on the conspiracy . . . and they’re watching you!

The Space Aliens

They come in many forms from a galaxy far, far away. You might as well get used to them; soon enough, you’ll be their slaves!

The United Nations

They control the economy, the military, and even the weather. They’re the Black Helicopter People.

Harry Potter

He may be a fictional 14-year-old, but he’s our best investment yet. From the people who brought you Dungeons and Dragons and Mötley Crüe.

Bill & Hillary Clinton

A conspiracy just isn’t a conspiracy without the Clintons. From Waco to the murder of Vince Foster, they’ve been involved. Members since 1968.

The Bush Family

Darlings of the New World Order for generations. From Nazis to drugs, the Bushes have been there all the way.

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