The Jewish Bankers
 The Jewish Bankers were among the first of the vast conspiracy groups to emerge. In fact, the history of the Jewish Banker conspiracy predates the
creation of the universe. Yes, even before there was a planet, the Jewish Bankers were plotting to take it over. Surprisingly, the Jewish Bankers have
managed—throughout the centuries—to remain a leader in the evil conspiracy industry. We are proud to have them as part of the New World Order.
Common Knowledge
You can’t find a conspiracy theory that doesn’t involve the Jewish Bankers. This is because the Jewish Bankers were the very first conspirators. As any good Aryan or
conspiracy theorist can tell you, they are the literal spawn of Satan . In fact, it turns out that Jews aren’t really Jews at all; only white people from Britain are really Jews.
They’ve just forgotten that they’re Jews. (Probably through some sort of mind control.) See, it all starts when God was experimenting with creation. It seems that Satan
was doing some temp work for God, and God told him to invent people. Satan botched up the job, of course, and created the “mud people” (Africans, Asians, Slavs,
etc.). God was not happy with this substandard work, and decided that if he wanted something done right, he had to do it himself. That’s when he created white
people. Satan got fired, and was naturally very upset about this, so he got Adam and Eve booted from Eden. Before their forced relocation, however, Satan (still rather
bitter about being fired from his temp gig) managed to convince Eve to go for a roll in the hay. As a a result, Eve got pregnant and had a son: Cain. Cain (being evil by
his nature since he was the literal spawn of Satan) killed his brother, Abel. This royally pissed God off, so he sent Cain to Asia as punishment. Fortunately for Cain, chicks
tend to dig that “bad boy” image he had cultivated. Unfortunately, birth control methods in the early years of Creation weren’t that advanced yet. As a result, Cain
ended up fathering several children with the “mud people” and their descendants—the literal offspring of Satan—are the modern Jews. The real Jews—ten tribes worth—all got lost and at least two of them ended up in Great Britain. Meanwhile, back in Asia Minor, Cain’s kids conspired to unite the world into a single government
, mostly for the purpose of keeping secret books, killing Gentiles and having sex with young Gentile girls. Somehow they managed to make the other tribes forget that
they were the real Jews. Once this was accomplished, Cain’s kids took over and began calling themselves “The Jews” (except for those who later moved to south
Chicago; that sect was known as “Da Jews”).
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The Bagel: a harmless breakfast food or an unspeakable tool of destruction?
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A whole bunch of other stuff happened, the Jews killed Christ, and then in the late 1700s a Jew named Adam Weishaupt (cleverly
disguised as a Catholic priest) renounced Catholicism and created a Satanic cult. This organization, called The Illuminati, quickly gained
the support of the Jews (being the spawn of Satan and all, they were more than happy to make a planet full of his worshippers). One
particular Jewish family, the Rothschilds, took a particular interest, and took control of the Illuminati. The Illuminati, in turn, took over the Freemasons.
The Rothschilds had a big family and a lot of money. In fact, they had enough money to finance the French Revolution and every war
since. The Rothschilds had their family disperse throughout Europe and America with the intent of cooperating with other Jews to take
over all financial institutions. As revealed by Pat Robertson in his book The New World Order, the Federal Reserve, Wall Street, the
Council on Foreign Relations, the Tri-Lateral Commission and all international banks are now controlled by Jews. The Jews also control
all media.
Using the power of the Illuminati and the money of the Rothschilds, the Jewish Bankers have created communism, set up a puppet U.S. government—known as the Zionist Occupational Government (ZOG)—and created liberalism and the Democratic Party.
The Lesser Known History
There’s not much more to tell that the conspiracy theorists haven’t already figured out about the Jewish Bankers. It is important to note that it was the Jewish Bankers
and the Illuminati who pushed for the merger with the Space Aliens. Since the Space Aliens are demons (led by Satan, of course), the Jewish Bankers were eager to
come to the aid of their great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather. As chief financiers of the New World Order, and a bridge between the various factions that
make up our glorious organization, the Jewish Bankers provide an invaluable service, and we are proud to have them as part of the conspiracy.
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