Bill & Hillary Clinton
 Every conspiracy needs someone to be the “front man.” This person must be able to accomplish the goals of the organization, and give it a friendly
face. The New World Order spent years waiting for the right person to come along, and when that failed, we took the initiative.
Our conspiracy is too big to settle for a single “front man,” and as dedicated feminazis intent on encouraging women to leave their husbands, kill their
children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians, we found the term to be a bit sexist, anyway. As a result, we created a team of
“front persons” to carry out our plans and usher in the coming of our Satanic alien masters.
Common Knowledge
The story all begins, as everyone knows, in a place called “Hope,” a hotbed of communist activity in the liberal communist state of Arkansas. Raised there by the
communist Chinese, Bill Clinton used the vast wealth his mother accumulated as an abused single mom to buy his way into Oxford and Yale. While in college, he was
joined with Hillary Rodham, a liberal communist feminist raised by New York liberals and Jewish bankers. The two married, as we had planned, and soon Bill was sitting
pretty as Attorney General of Arkansas, residing in Little Rock, another hotbed of communist activity. By using nearly the entire GNP of China, we managed to buy
enough votes in Arkansas to take the governor's mansion in 1978. This was relatively easy, what with all the communist migration into Arkansas and all.
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 Socks the Cat, another Clinton conspirator for
the New World Order. Socks is currently working on turning parts of our country over to Chinese mice, who will imprison good old
American dogs and cats in concentration camps run by catnip-addicted tabbies.
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In the meantime, Hillary was using her position as an attorney at the Rose Law Firm to buy up lots of cheap land so she could
sell it at a loss and lose a lot of her own money. “Whitewater,” as this plot became known, was so sinister that Hillary and her
husband conspired to keep themselves from knowing about it.
As governor, Bill got to do a lot of neat things for the New World Order. He sold HIV-infected blood from prison inmates to
Canada. He smuggled drugs through Arkansas. He murdered a former lover. He got to launder money for the Japanese mafia
and the Vatican.
And, of course, he got to boff a lot of women. Sure, he had to kill most of them, but some of them got free nose jobs and lots
of right-wing funding out of the deal, so it was mostly a win-win situation.
The real fun didn’t start until he got into the White House, though. Oh, sure, he was able to continue with all the murder and mayhem—Vince Foster, Ron Brown, Ed Willey, William Colby, Admiral Jeremy Boorda, Jim McDougal, and virtually everyone
else who had ever met, guarded, spoken to, wrote for, or shared a state with the Clintons ended up dead— because, hey, after all, if you can’t have fun in the oval office, where can you have fun? Fortunately, we had Clinton’s old friend Kenneth Starr to
cover up for him. Even better, he got to do evil stuff like promote human rights, require warning labels on unpasteurized juice,
and help reduce violent crime. Oh, and he got to boff every woman he met.
In recent years, Bill (who is, incidentally, the antichrist) and Hillary both worked hard to do our bidding. They supported Outcome Based Education, a New World Order plot to make children open to accepting radical ideas like equality, racial
harmony, and the rights of other people to live as they choose. They were also very busy constructing concentration camps
located all over the country where Russian, Chinese, and German troops will imprison honest Americans after Bill Clinton’s planned declaration of martial law right
before January 1, 2000 for the purpose of producing goods through slave labor. The Clintons will then start World War III, which will allow them to stay in the White
House and spare them the trouble of having to move to New York so Hillary can become a senator.
Update
Well, the Clintons didn’t declare martial law on January 1, 2000. In fact, they didn’t do much of anything on January 1, 2001, either. Because of this, we decided to
return the Bush Family to power again, as we know that George the Second will do our bidding with no questions asked. While we consider
Al Gore a loyal member of
the New World Order, he may lack the necessary gullibility to be an unquestioning pawn. In retrospect, perhaps Bill and Hillary were simply too smart to follow our
orders without question. Fortunately, we’ve never had that problem when it came to the Bush Family, so our plans to start World War III should be back on track
sometime in the next four years. Just in case the Bush Family fails, we have kept Hillary waiting in the wings should the need to bring back the “big guns” ever arises
again. And, we’ve made sure that the real power in the Clinton Dynasty, Chelsea, is ready to assume her role as dictator should that become necessary.
The Lesser Known History
Bill and Hillary Clinton are not actually separate people. In fact, they are not really people at all. They are actually separate parts of an alien cyborg named “Billary,” and
were separated many years ago to conduct quicker surveillance and lull the public into a false sense of security. When World War III is declared, however, Billary will
morph into a powerful battlebot and zap innocent civilians with a horrible death ray and lay waste to most of the country in a demonic act of passionate bloodlust.
Photos on this page courtesy of the Smithsonian Institute, another fine New World Order affiliate.
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